Type External Vibrator
Material ABS Plastic with PU Coating
Features App-controlled via Bluetooth, can be controlled through WiFi, custom patterns, rechargeable.
Pros Can be controlled by another person from anywhere with WiFi or 3G, virtually unlimited combination of patterns, comes with a one-size-fits-most panty.
Cons Not fully waterproof, expensive, loud, buzzy, low variation of vibrations, need to pay extra to control via WiFi.
Personal Rating 3/7 (Disappointing)
Quality Rating 4/7 (Meh)1
The term “disappointment” is an understatement when it comes to the OhMiBod blueMotion Nex|12. I guess I should not have been so surprised, as my expectations were set ridiculously high, but any disappointment is disappointing nonetheless. Don’t get me wrong – the technology that it uses is incredible, but the vibrator itself could have been so much better. It could have been a savior for people, such as myself, who are in long distance relationships, or for those that work very different schedules, or even for public play, but somehow it does not meet the requirements for those situations. What a shame.
The blueMotion looks like what it is – a panty vibe3. The relatively flat shape allows it to fit into underwear without being too much of a distraction, while the slight curve conforms with most body shapes. There is a little bulge that sticks out of one end of the toy, meant to provide additional stimulation. I am not quite sure if this bulge is supposed to be pressed into my vaginal opening or onto my clitoris – probably the vaginal opening, to keep the charging port in front, but I prefer it on my clitoris to apply a little extra pressure. There is only one button on the blueMotion, which blinks purplish pink while charging and blue while on or pairing with a BlueTooth enabled device. Press and hold it to turn the toy on or off.
Alas, despite having a decent shape, several design flaws. There is only one color option, which consists of a pink top and a dark blue base. I am not too happy about the pink, but there is so much else to complain about… like how this $129 vibrator is deathly afraid of water. No toy, at this price, should only be splashproof, especially not one with the charging port so close to a part of the toy that actually touches a potentially wet part of the body. Not only does this make the toy a pain to wash4, but there is also the inevitable concern that bodily fluids will get into the charging port. Sure, there is a charging port cover, but it comes off very easily, so I would not rely on it. It would also be nice for “only splash-proof” to have been mentioned somewhere (anywhere) on the product page – otherwise unsuspecting buyers might assume, based on the cost, that this toy is safe to actually wash. The button also periodically gets stuck in a pushed down position and forces the toy to stop functioning, but the fix for this (simply pushing down again) is much easier than avoiding getting a sex toy wet.
A blue “thong” comes with the blueMotion, labeled as one-size-fits-most. I would characterize this as fairly accurate, as the thong is much bigger than expected. However, if you are in the more petite range, such as myself, it will be a little large and not thong-like. However, it fits, and would fit somebody with a far larger body type. There is a pocket in the crotch area that the blueMotion fits into – it is a little snug, but still workable. I wish that the blueMotion fit entirely into the pocket though; mine sticks out just enough to make me go insane.
Not to repeat myself, but, performance-wise, the blueMotion is disappointing. In it, I find three main flaws:
1. The Noise Level. I assumed that a toy meant to be worn discretely would at least be quiet enough that several layers of fabric and flesh could mute it in an environment with some background noise. It isn’t. Instead, I have a toy that, despite the door to my room being closed, requires How I Met Your Mother reruns being on so that my roommates cannot hear it from their rooms. Trust me, I’ve tested this. I could not imagine wearing it in public – I feel like everybody would be able to hear it, and that’s not the point. The point is to have fun, subtle orgasms while buying groceries or having dinner with my mother, not to have every person that’s within a 10-foot radius to wonder why I’m not picking up my very loudly vibrating phone.
2. The Vibrations. I love how it is possible to customize patterns; it is actually pretty fun… until you realize that there is really little variation between the lows and the highs. This is the most frustrating thing for me, since variation in vibration levels is a feature that I crave in sex toys. I know that it is possible – the Minna Limon has it, after all, and I was expecting that the blueMotion would have at least moderate variation between the highs and the lows. Instead, I feel like the medium and high levels are all roughly the same strength and range from “buzzy and fairly loud” to “really buzzy and really loud,” while the low level is a “Is this thing even on?”. I have a theory that the blueMotion actually has the in-between ranges5, but they are impossible to access.
Have I mentioned how buzzy the vibrations are? It’s ridiculous. On the highest levels, it starts to feel less like a vibrator and more like my labia is itching. My clitoris and labia do not require deep, rumbly vibrations in order to orgasm, but vibrations that the blueMotion provides are just too buzzy for me to come even remotely close. Try as I might, I could not orgasm using this thing (and I did try, for seven hours with several charge-breaks)6. That is saying a lot, since my clitoris loves giving me orgasms… somehow, despite me liking both pinpoint and broad stimulation, the stimulation from the blueMotion is both too pinpoint and too broad, as its shape forces it to dig either into the opening of my vagina or my clitoris (providing a point), while the overall vibrations pass through the entire toy (hence, broad).
I understand that sacrifices have to be made in order to be able to include a “customizable setting” toy, but I do not think that quality and range of vibrations is one that should be made. Other, cheaper, and significantly older vibrators manage it while remaining relatively small… the worst part, in my opinion, is that OhMiBod knows how to make vibrators with good vibrations, but seem to have missed their mark with the blueMotion. After all, although it is awesome that one can have somebody else control their vibrator from the other side of the globe, a requirement for that to be useful is that the vibrations have to actually be desirable.
3. The Application. So let me get this straight – after getting me to pay over a hundred dollars for a vibrator, OhMiBod would be losing money if it let me use the WiFi capabilities of the toy? I understand not wanting every person that knows about the blueMotion using the service for free, but I feel like including some sort of single use code for a free WiFi upgrade with every blueMotion purchase (or registration?) would not be asking for too much. Granted, many people would not have a need for it (as the application itself is free), but OhMiBod would lose nothing by having it available for those people. Otherwise it just seems like one of those random hidden fees that get added on once you have already bought the product7.
On another note, the interface of the application is well-designed and easy to understand. There is a helpful-and-not-annoying tutorial for each of the modes that reminds you of what to do in each individual mode. If only the blueMotion worked better with these options…
There are five functions to the application: rhythms (preset patterns), touch (drawing squiggles), tap (poking the screen), wave (changing the angle by which you hold the phone), and voice (recording a message and having it play back to you via vibrations). If only the variation of the vibrations was enough to make these many modes worthwhile… Of the modes, my favorite is voice, though I wish it was more like the Freestyle W, where the toy vibrates to current sound rather than prerecorded sound. That way, I could be enjoying vibrations from current speech instead of something that I sit and record before I feel it. The rest, with the exception of rhythms, do practically nothing for me; whether it is the toy or the modes would require more vibrators that work with the application. The rhythms, however, were also a little disappointing8 – rather than the traditional pulses, waves, and random modes, it seems like OhMiBod tried to pack the application full of new, innovative patterns rather than traditional favorites.
It might be the buzziness of the vibrations, but I found the patterns themselves to be difficult to discern and describe. I tried my best:
- Crashing Waves – A mix of frog-like “ribbit” pulses with simultaneous vibration along with some pulsating steady vibration.
- The Moon – Fast pulses with a steady vibration simultaneously, followed by some slower pulses.
- Club – Strong and steady pulses with a pause between every couple of sets.
- Deep & Steady – Pulses that escalate and drop back down below pausing. Sometimes there is also a steady vibration in between.
- Intense & Fast – Really quick, buzzy pulses.
I never thought that I would ever say this, but I miss traditional patterns. The first three seem to be overly complicated, as if they’re supposed to have some random aspect but don’t (alternatively, they might be supposed to be steady but the toy might be glitching), while the last two… well, fine, the last two are okay, but that is the problem – they are only okay. The best mode of this toy is only okay. Sure, I am being subjective, but still.
What bother me most about the blueMotion is how close it came to being incredible – had it been waterproof, less buzzy, and quieter9, I would have absolutely loved it and named it a must-have for any person in a long-distance relationship. But it isn’t.
I actually hate that the first review for an OhMiBod toy on my blog is so negative; I actually love this company a lot. I have another OhMiBod toy, the Freestyle W, and I adore it. Furthermore, not many companies would have taken a leap like this, and it is a real shame that this toy is not as good as it could have been. I think that might be what led to this review being too incredibly long10- I felt the need to justify my criticisms.
Do not get me wrong – there are people who would probably enjoy the blueMotion; I am just not one of them. Someone who does not mind buzzy vibrations and either lives alone or wants to wear a vibrator in loud places would probably be okay with the majority of the flaws that kept me from enjoying the blueMotion. This person would also probably enjoy the various modes than I did as well. However, if you are not one of these people, you should wait for the next version of this toy, assuming that there is one11.
The OhMiBod BlueMotion Nex|1 was provided to me by a retailer with a discount in exchange for an unbiased review.
- Explanation: Vibrators that cost over $75 while not being waterproof cannot rank above a 5, and another point was lost due to the other comments expressed in this review. [↩]
- It all began with the vertical bar in the name and just kept going from there. [↩]
- Or, alternatively, a strange, simple little boat. [↩]
- Seriously, you essentially have to use wipes rather than just submerging. [↩]
- I mean, the OhMiBod Freestyle W, which I adore, has them… [↩]
- I ended up having to orgasm with my Eroscillator out of frustration. [↩]
- In OhMiBod’s defense, they do not hide that the WiFi capabilities cost an additional $5 [↩]
- Oops, I used that word again… I’m very disappointed in myself. [↩]
- Maybe even two out of three [↩]
- A fact for which I apologize [↩]
- I hope so! [↩]