Review: OhMiBod blueMotion Nex|1

blueMotion and panties galore!

Fast Facts: OhMiBod blueMotion Nex|1

Type External Vibrator
Material ABS Plastic with PU Coating

Features App-controlled via Bluetooth, can be controlled through WiFi, custom patterns, rechargeable.

Pros Can be controlled by another person from anywhere with WiFi or 3G, virtually unlimited combination of patterns, comes with a one-size-fits-most panty.
Cons Not fully waterproof, expensive, loud, buzzy, low variation of vibrations, need to pay extra to control via WiFi.

Personal Rating 3/7 (Disappointing)
Quality Rating 4/7 (Meh)1


The term “disappointment” is an understatement when it comes to the OhMiBod blueMotion Nex|12. I guess I should not have been so surprised, as my expectations were set ridiculously high, but any disappointment is disappointing nonetheless. Don’t get me wrong – the technology that it uses is incredible, but the vibrator itself could have been so much better. It could have been a savior for people, such as myself, who are in long distance relationships, or for those that work very different schedules, or even for public play, but somehow it does not meet the requirements for those situations. What a shame.

Design

The blueMotion looks like what it is – a panty vibe3. The relatively flat shape allows it to fit into underwear without being too much of a distraction, while the slight curve conforms with most body shapes. There is a little bulge that sticks out of one end of the toy, meant to provide additional stimulation. I am not quite sure if this bulge is supposed to be pressed into my vaginal opening or onto my clitoris – probably the vaginal opening, to keep the charging port in front, but I prefer it on my clitoris to apply a little extra pressure. There is only one button on the blueMotion, which blinks purplish pink while charging and blue while on or pairing with a BlueTooth enabled device. Press and hold it to turn the toy on or off.

Alas, despite having a decent shape, several design flaws. There is only one color option, which consists of a pink top and a dark blue base. I am not too happy about the pink, but there is so much else to complain about… like how this $129 vibrator is deathly afraid of water. No toy, at this price, should only be splashproof, especially not one with the charging port so close to a part of the toy that actually touches a potentially wet part of the body. Not only does this make the toy a pain to wash4, but there is also the inevitable concern that bodily fluids will get into the charging port. Sure, there is a charging port cover, but it comes off very easily, so I would not rely on it. It would also be nice for “only splash-proof” to have been mentioned somewhere (anywhere) on the product page – otherwise unsuspecting buyers might assume, based on the cost, that this toy is safe to actually wash. The button also periodically gets stuck in a pushed down position and forces the toy to stop functioning, but the fix for this (simply pushing down again) is much easier than avoiding getting a sex toy wet.

A blue “thong” comes with the blueMotion, labeled as one-size-fits-most. I would characterize this as fairly accurate, as the thong is much bigger than expected. However, if you are in the more petite range, such as myself, it will be a little large and not thong-like. However, it fits, and would fit somebody with a far larger body type. There is a pocket in the crotch area that the blueMotion fits into – it is a little snug, but still workable. I wish that the blueMotion fit entirely into the pocket though; mine sticks out just enough to make me go insane.

Why couldn't it be teal and dark blue?

Performance

Not to repeat myself, but, performance-wise, the blueMotion is disappointing. In it, I find three main flaws:

1. The Noise Level. I assumed that a toy meant to be worn discretely would at least be quiet enough that several layers of fabric and flesh could mute it in an environment with some background noise. It isn’t. Instead, I have a toy that, despite the door to my room being closed, requires How I Met Your Mother reruns being on so that my roommates cannot hear it from their rooms. Trust me, I’ve tested this. I could not imagine wearing it in public – I feel like everybody would be able to hear it, and that’s not the point. The point is to have fun, subtle orgasms while buying groceries or having dinner with my mother, not to have every person that’s within a 10-foot radius to wonder why I’m not picking up my very loudly vibrating phone.

2. The Vibrations. I love how it is possible to customize patterns; it is actually pretty fun… until you realize that there is really little variation between the lows and the highs. This is the most frustrating thing for me, since variation in vibration levels is a feature that I crave in sex toys. I know that it is possible – the Minna Limon has it, after all, and I was expecting that the blueMotion would have at least moderate variation between the highs and the lows. Instead, I feel like the medium and high levels are all roughly the same strength and range from “buzzy and fairly loud” to “really buzzy and really loud,” while the low level is a “Is this thing even on?”. I have a theory that the blueMotion actually has the in-between ranges5, but they are impossible to access.

Have I mentioned how buzzy the vibrations are? It’s ridiculous. On the highest levels, it starts to feel less like a vibrator and more like my labia is itching. My clitoris and labia do not require deep, rumbly vibrations in order to orgasm, but vibrations that the blueMotion provides are just too buzzy for me to come even remotely close. Try as I might, I could not orgasm using this thing (and I did try, for seven hours with several charge-breaks)6. That is saying a lot, since my clitoris loves giving me orgasms… somehow, despite me liking both pinpoint and broad stimulation, the stimulation from the blueMotion is both too pinpoint and too broad, as its shape forces it to dig either into the opening of my vagina or my clitoris (providing a point), while the overall vibrations pass through the entire toy (hence, broad).

I understand that sacrifices have to be made in order to be able to include a “customizable setting” toy, but I do not think that quality and range of vibrations is one that should be made. Other, cheaper, and significantly older vibrators manage it while remaining relatively small… the worst part, in my opinion, is that OhMiBod knows how to make vibrators with good vibrations, but seem to have missed their mark with the blueMotion. After all, although it is awesome that one can have somebody else control their vibrator from the other side of the globe, a requirement for that to be useful is that the vibrations have to actually be desirable.

3. The Application. So let me get this straight – after getting me to pay over a hundred dollars for a vibrator, OhMiBod would be losing money if it let me use the WiFi capabilities of the toy? I understand not wanting every person that knows about the blueMotion using the service for free, but I feel like including some sort of single use code for a free WiFi upgrade with every blueMotion purchase (or registration?) would not be asking for too much. Granted, many people would not have a need for it (as the application itself is free), but OhMiBod would lose nothing by having it available for those people. Otherwise it just seems like one of those random hidden fees that get added on once you have already bought the product7.

On another note, the interface of the application is well-designed and easy to understand. There is a helpful-and-not-annoying tutorial for each of the modes that reminds you of what to do in each individual mode. If only the blueMotion worked better with these options…

OhMiBod Application

There are five functions to the application: rhythms (preset patterns), touch (drawing squiggles), tap (poking the screen), wave (changing the angle by which you hold the phone), and voice (recording a message and having it play back to you via vibrations). If only the variation of the vibrations was enough to make these many modes worthwhile… Of the modes, my favorite is voice, though I wish it was more like the Freestyle W, where the toy vibrates to current sound rather than prerecorded sound. That way, I could be enjoying vibrations from current speech instead of something that I sit and record before I feel it. The rest, with the exception of rhythms, do practically nothing for me; whether it is the toy or the modes would require more vibrators that work with the application. The rhythms, however, were also a little disappointing8 – rather than the traditional pulses, waves, and random modes, it seems like OhMiBod tried to pack the application full of new, innovative patterns rather than traditional favorites.

It might be the buzziness of the vibrations, but I found the patterns themselves to be difficult to discern and describe. I tried my best:

  • Crashing Waves – A mix of frog-like “ribbit” pulses with simultaneous vibration along with some pulsating steady vibration.
  • The Moon – Fast pulses with a steady vibration simultaneously, followed by some slower pulses.
  • Club – Strong and steady pulses with a pause between every couple of sets.
  • Deep & Steady – Pulses that escalate and drop back down below pausing. Sometimes there is also a steady vibration in between.
  • Intense & Fast – Really quick, buzzy pulses.

I never thought that I would ever say this, but I miss traditional patterns. The first three seem to be overly complicated, as if they’re supposed to have some random aspect but don’t (alternatively, they might be supposed to be steady but the toy might be glitching), while the last two… well, fine, the last two are okay, but that is the problem – they are only okay. The best mode of this toy is only okay. Sure, I am being subjective, but still.

Final Verdict

Clearly I do not have it in me to take a creative photograph...What bother me most about the blueMotion is how close it came to being incredible – had it been waterproof, less buzzy, and quieter9, I would have absolutely loved it and named it a must-have for any person in a long-distance relationship. But it isn’t.

I actually hate that the first review for an OhMiBod toy on my blog is so negative; I actually love this company a lot. I have another OhMiBod toy, the Freestyle W, and I adore it. Furthermore, not many companies would have taken a leap like this, and it is a real shame that this toy is not as good as it could have been. I think that might be what led to this review being too incredibly long10- I felt the need to justify my criticisms.

Do not get me wrong – there are people who would probably enjoy the blueMotion; I am just not one of them. Someone who does not mind buzzy vibrations and either lives alone or wants to wear a vibrator in loud places would probably be okay with the majority of the flaws that kept me from enjoying the blueMotion. This person would also probably enjoy the various modes than I did as well. However, if you are not one of these people, you should wait for the next version of this toy, assuming that there is one11.

The OhMiBod BlueMotion Nex|1 was provided to me by a retailer with a discount in exchange for an unbiased review.
  1. Explanation: Vibrators that cost over $75 while not being waterproof cannot rank above a 5, and another point was lost due to the other comments expressed in this review. []
  2. It all began with the vertical bar in the name and just kept going from there. []
  3. Or, alternatively, a strange, simple little boat. []
  4. Seriously, you essentially have to use wipes rather than just submerging. []
  5. I mean, the OhMiBod Freestyle W, which I adore, has them… []
  6. I ended up having to orgasm with my Eroscillator out of frustration. []
  7. In OhMiBod’s defense, they do not hide that the WiFi capabilities cost an additional $5 []
  8. Oops, I used that word again… I’m very disappointed in myself. []
  9. Maybe even two out of three []
  10. A fact for which I apologize []
  11. I hope so! []

Rest in Pieces, Icicles No. 52

Icicles 52 resting in pieces.

It’s a shame when a toy breaks, especially one as lovely as the Icicles No. 52. It was a lovely toy, delicate and slim… and unused at the time of its demise. Somehow, this toy failed to survive a fall of only several feet with a land on a soft surface – something that many of my other glass toys have gone through multiple times. It must have hit at just the right angle to shatter.

This was my first glass toy to break, and only my second toy to break overall1. It came at the worst possible time as well – in the middle of Finals Week while studying for an annoying Biostatistics exam. I was reaching for something on my bookshelf and accidentally tugged my fan’s cable, which, in turn, moved my vase of flowers, forcing the dildo off of my shelf and onto some blankets lying on my floor. Where there was one piece, there were now two.

Naturally, I took to Twitter:

Twice.

Of course, I cannot say that I was surprised – it was only a matter of time before I broke a glass toy. I’m dreadfully clumsy and accident-prone, after all. However, I do wish that I had broken one of my less pretty and less expensive glass toys2 and not a member of the Icicles tentacle trio3, but this is life.

Rest in Pieces, Icicles No. 52. You will be sorely missed… that is, until you get replaced.

Update I now have a new Icicles No. 52. Hooray!

  1. the first being the Mia 2 after almost a year of use []
  2. Like one of those many generic ones I bought when I was new to sex toys. []
  3. Especially not the first toy that my partner ever purchased for me… []

Review: Aloe Cadabra Original

Sadly, none of the plants pictured are aloe vera.


Type Lubricant
Features Oil-based, 95-97% organic aloe vera, pH balanced, absorbs into body after use.

Pros Organic ingredients, safe to consume, body-safe, great for the skin, moisturizing, not runny, no messy cleanup, compatible with all toy-types and latex condoms, discreet container.
Cons Expensive, no pump cap, hard to find, doesn’t last as long as certain other lubricants, tastes bad, no sample packs to test for sensitivity.

Personal Rating 7/7 (Favorite)
Quality Rating 6/7 (Awesome)


My relationship with lubricants is complicated1… or, at least, it was until I discovered Aloe Cadabra Original – an oil-based lubricant made almost entirely of aloe vera gel.

Let’s pause for a moment for Story of N’s Lubricant History: The first lubricant I ever tried made my skin break out. Stupidly, I tried another without educating myself on ingredients, only to be met with the same physiological response. Naturally, this caused me to hate lubricants for what seemed like forever. I changed my mind a year later and was briefly satisfied with a cheap one that I had purchased, only to wake up in the middle of the night suddenly horrified at the ingredients that I was putting into my vagina. I tried to find a good, all-natural lubricant, but could not find anything besides coconut oil by merely asking around2. Thankfully, the Dildo Gods sent a friend to me that suggested Aloe Cadabra. And then there was light.

I have used other lubricants since starting to use Aloe Cadabra, but this one remains my favorite. Of course, there are cons, but I’ll get to those later.

Ingredients

I feel like oil-based lubricants have a bad reputation, probably because Vaseline and other not too pleasant ingredients tend to come to mind. Aloe Cadabra is nothing like this; instead of being damaging, it is actually beneficial to the skin and entirely safe. In fact, it is 95% organic aloe vera gel rather than other, less-safe oils. This lubricant is edible, safe to use with toys, and even compatible with latex and polyisoprene condoms (but not compatible with polyurethane condoms and not FDA-tested with lambskin).

Personally, I enjoy reading and looking up ingredients of the lubricants that I use3 and think that this is important information to know before putting it in your body. However, as not everybody agrees and some would consider it word-vomit, I have hidden it behind a toggle4.

Full Description of Ingredients

95-97% Organic Aloe Vera Gel The packaging advertises that Aloe Cadabra is made out of 95% organic aloe vera, but the company states that it is between 95 to 97 percent of the entire product. Aloe vera has been used for its medicinal properties for millenniums, for everything from being a natural laxative to anti-inflammatory to moisturizing. Granted, as with many plants previously used for medical purposes, aloe’s effectiveness is being debated, but I don’t see ample research being done about it. Regardless, aloe vera is often used in facial products for its moisturizing and anti-irritation effects and in specialty beverages for digestive reasons, so it’s generally safe to use and consume. After all, humanity would have realized over the course of 6,000 years if it was toxic. As an ingredient for lubricant, aloe vera helps make insertion easier, combat vaginal dryness, and promote natural moisture.

Vitamin E Oil It is almost impossible to walk through the skin-care aisles of a grocery store without seeing products advertising that they are enriched with vitamin E oil. Its benefits for the skin are numerous, while, as an ingredient in a lubricant, it adds both slickness and duration.

Xanthan Gum The manufacturer included xanthan gum as a thickening agent and stabilizer. It is commonly used in cosmetic products and various foods. It is considered natural and generally body-safe.

Citric Acid Although citric acid might sound a little intimidating as an ingredient for lubricants, it’s better than many of the other possible preservatives out there. Apparently, it is included in the lubricant to help balance the pH to the vagina’s natural level, which helps prevent irritation.

Potassium Sorbate (food grade) and Sodium Benzoate (food grade) Both of these substances are commonly used preservatives in food. After all, Aloe Cadabra is made out of a natural, plant-based compound, so many microorganisms would love to feast on the lubricant. These preservatives keep the overall product fresh and ready to use. They are both natural and considered relatively safe (and, thus, found in many foods on the market today), but can be harmful in large doses. If it matters to you, Whole Foods approves them for use in body products (though not in food) and even the brand Sliquid, trusted by many reviewers, uses potassium sorbate in its products. I’m not too pleased with these ingredients, but, compared to the alternatives (e.g., different preservatives, ridiculously short shelf life, or an unnatural base), I can deal with their presence.

Organic Vanilla Essential Oil This ingredient confused me at first, but is apparently added in a very small dose because the smell of pure aloe vera can be displeasing to some people. There is so little of it that it can hardly be sensed, but I assume it helps give Aloe Cadabra the pleasant scent that it has.

Performance

Boring: yes. Discreet: Also yes. Not every lubricant needs naked people.Before I begin discussing performance, I think that a moment should be taken to marvel at Aloe Cadabra’s packaging. Unlike many other brands which attempt discreet bottles5, Aloe Cadabra really understands what a lubricant bottle needs to look like to not seem out of place on a bedside table6. It has a random silly stock image along with the name of the brand and the words “Natural Aloe”, making it seem to be aloe vera gel. This is about as discreet as lubricant packaging gets. Granted, I do wish it came in larger quantities and/or had a pump, but this is sufficient7.

If you were to ask me about the absolute best feature of Aloe Cadabra, I would answer the ingredients. I’ve used aloe vera gel on my skin for years due to its healing properties and love that something I am already used to can be used as lubricant without any harmful effects. It’s also nice to be able to just rub any excess into my skin. Furthermore, the condom compatibility is key for me, as I sometimes use lubricant to give my partner handjobs before sex. No lubricants, I do not want you breaking up my condoms.

Granted, this is not the best tasting product on the planet (for the life of me, I cannot taste the vanilla), but I cannot say that it is too bad; I would put the taste somewhere between aloe vera juice and one of those strange herbal vitamin shots. The company does produce flavored varieties8, but the taste from the original version is one that you can grow used to. The smell somewhat reminds me of soap, but is not strong at all.

The consistency of this lubricant is incredible. Unlike many other lubricants, it does not feel like WD-40 when applied; it’s slick, yes, but not too slick. It is a little thicker than many lubricants and, stays in place well when applied to an object.

Aloe Cadabra modeled on Icicles No. 24

To illustrate this, I put some on Icicles No. 24, a glass toy, along with some Sliquid Organics Gel (considered thicker than most lubricants). In the time that it took me to get out my phone and turn on its camera, the Sliquid was no longer noticeable because it had already made its way around the dildo and disappeared into the Land of Lubricant Messiness. The Aloe Cadabra, however, was just where I had left it and ready to be spread in whatever way I pleased.

Because of this, along with the fact that Aloe Cadabra will be absorbed into the skin after use, there is no dreaded after-using-lube mess. Which is awesome. Like, really – you can just leave your dirty toys on something and go to sleep, worrying about the mess later and nothing will stain and no bad things will happen. Don’t be fooled by the white color: it washes out with ease.

As an actual lubricant, it works well and does what it is supposed to do – lubricate. In fact, it does it so well that, when I’m using it, I feel like I am just incredibly wet and not using lubricant at all. For hand jobs, I find that it lasts me about 7-10 minutes and can be reactivated by getting wet9. For vaginal toy play and penis-in-vagina sex, it lasts enough time for my own natural moisture to take over; your mileage will vary for that one. In fact, there’s only one toy that I ever need to reapply it with10, and even in this case I only need to do so once or twice. A dime-sized amount goes a long way. If you want it to last longer, mix it in with a dab of coconut oil and that can more than double the usage (but no longer be latex-condom compatible).

I love this lubricant, I really do, and yet, it is not perfect. As I’ve said before, I wish that the size was bigger and came with a pump lid – it would just be easier to get out the right amount. While the current 2.5 fl. oz. is great for taking with me in a ziploc bag past the TSA when on sexy rendezvous, it is a pain to replace once every several months. Granted, it lasts a while because I do not ever use much, but for the price, more would be nice. Still – there is nothing that I have found yet to replace this lubricant as my favorite, so I will wait for the people at Aloe Cadabra to decide that these might be useful changes to make.

I obtained Aloe Cadabra Original through my own means.
  1. with what thing isn’t my relationship complicated? []
  2. do not get me started on how much I hate the smell of coconut oil. []
  3. I’m nerdy and/or scientific like that. []
  4. after all, the post looks nicer this way. []
  5. and even more unlike the monstrosities with pictures of naked people on the bottle []
  6. at least, for those of us who need to hide our toys. []
  7. psst, great idea for improvement, Aloe Cadabra company people []
  8. spoiler alert: the one I’ve tried is not worth it. []
  9. tongue, cleverly placed water bottle, you take your pick []
  10. I’m looking at you, sandpaper Stronic Eins []

I’ve Been a Naughty N

Dear Diary, There's simply no other way to put it...

There’s simply no other way to put it – I’ve been a naughty N. I made this blog, posted one introductory post and one review, made a ton of friends on Twitter, got a lot of toys, and then disappeared off the end of the internet1 for the next five months. I’m back though, I promise. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this post; I guess it’s for myself to look back to, in time, to remember what my blog was like in the beginning.

I would apologize, but… these have been an incredible five months. I rage-quit my unfulfilling job, moved across the country to attend the Masters’ program of my dreams2, got into a wonderful long-distance relationship, rediscovered the joys of vaginal intercourse, changed my mind on a lot of my earlier toy preferences, spent a month ignoring the world while vacationing with my family, replaced my LELO Mia 2 which had broken during the formerly mentioned month, fulfilled a number of my sexual fantasies, and played with a lot of sex toys. Not in any particular order, of course.

It doesn’t sound like a busy five months, I know, but they were the refreshing break that I needed to set my priorities straight. I had gone from being academically burned out and sexually frustrated for several years to being stagnant and depressed for one, both of which were not the most desirable states of being for me. Frankly, this summer is exactly what I needed to become happy again, and that’s not something that I’m used to. It’s almost as if I’ve been gone from myself for a while, and now I’m back3.

It’s good to be back.

Expect some reviews coming soon!

  1. world []
  2. which I’m loving, by the way []
  3. at least, to a version of myself with more sex toys []

Review: Minna Limon

Limon resting on a lemon tree

Fast Facts: Minna Limon

Type External vibrator
Material Silicone

Features Waterproof, rechargeable, custom speeds and patterns

Pros Rumbly vibrations, broad range in vibration intensity and pattern, quiet on lower levels, innovative controls
Cons Can’t save patterns, finicky charging stand, vibrations travel through the hand

Personal Rating 6/7 (Love it)
Quality Rating 6/7 (Awesome)


You will probably never hear me say this again about a teal sex toy, but I really wish that the Minna Limon came in yellow or lime green. If it did, it would look natural resting in the leaves of my lemon tree, almost as if it belonged1- but, then again, I would probably find myself wondering why I am masturbating with a silicone lemon much more often if that were the case.

The Minna Limon is the clitoral answer to the Minna Ola – a vibrator controlled entirely by how hard you squeeze it rather than by cycling through pre-programmed speeds and patterns. It’s quite simple, really – barely squeeze and you get faint vibration, squeeze hard and you get strong vibrations. Already owning and loving the Ola, I knew that I needed the Limon.

When it finally came out after months of crowdsourcing and waiting, my expectations were high. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. I love this little rumbly lemon – the shape and size are perfect for me, and the variety in function keeps me from ever getting bored of it. Granted, the squeezing technology can be finicky and annoying to use at times, but this toy is easy to use overall once you get the hang of it.

Design

The Limon is, as the name implies, in the shape of a lemon, about 3 inches long and 2 wide. It comes in two colors: pink and teal. Its body is made of smooth silicone which is surprisingly resistant from lint. The majority of the toy is firm, but you can squeeze hidden air-pockets in the “sides” of the Limon to control the toy. Should these air pockets ever deflate (which can happen during changes in air pressure), you can always re-inflate them by pressing a pen tip to the metal circle on the bottom of the toy.

On the base of the Limon, there is a white plastic charging port. This toy charges magnetically when put onto its dock, which connects to a power source via USB. You can use any random adapter you have lying around to connect it to a regular outlet.

Three seperate modes of the Limon

The Limon only has one button. Turning on the toy requires pressing it once, while turning the toy off is done by pressing and holding the button. To switch between modes, just press the button once. The three modes are Free, Record, and Lock. In Free Mode, you directly control the toy based on how tightly you squeeze. Record Mode, on the other hand, keeps playing back any pattern that you have squeezed into it once you stop squeezing. Activating Lock Mode protects the pattern created in Record Mode from being overwritten if the toy is squeezed again. Squeezing the toy steadily while pressing the lock button will provide you with a constant, steady vibration level if you would prefer one over a pattern.

Sadly, there is no way to save your pattern once you turn the toy off. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, and you probably will never be able to fully recreate it. You can try to remember the patterns that you create, but the sheer range in vibration intensities makes it difficult to get them quite right.

Four different views of the LimonThe Limon’s charging stand is a little finicky, but far from the worst one that I own2. The toy does need to stand vertically to charge, which makes it a bit difficult to charge discreetly. It takes about two hours to fully charge, during which time you have a fantastic nightlight3 and the charge lasts for quite a while, depending on use – I’ve never gotten less than two hours out of it, though. When you turn it on, the Limon will vibrate one to three times depending on how much battery life it has left – three for full, one for almost none.

The lowest intensities can hardly be felt at all, while the highest intensities would probably rate just over a 4 on a 5-point scale. It’s not the strongest vibrator I own, but it’s very much about average. However, the true gem of this vibrator isn’t its strength – it’s actually how rumbly the vibrations are. They’re pretty incredible – I can feel them traveling deep into my clit. They’re not quite the Eroscillator or the We-Vibe Tango, but they come close. Noise-wise, the vibrations are almost inaudible at their lowest setting, and still not overly loud on their highest4.

Performance

The Limon is almost one of my favorite toys. Almost. There are plenty of things that I adore about this toy: the quality of the vibrations, the broad range of their intensity, the color, the cuteness, and so much more – but it’s not quite perfect.

First things first, though – the vibrations. As I’ve mentioned before, they’re rumbly and have a very broad range. I own few vibrators that can start as soft and almost absent and grow, in a flash, to something strong; in fact, I own none that can manage this range as quickly, except perhaps for the Limon’s big sister Ola. Even so, the rumbliness of the vibrations is incredible – it does not take long for them to bring me to orgasm, assuming that I’m actually trying and not just messing around with patterns5. It’s a toy that I will actually crave at times, as it rescues me from the mediocrity of having to choose between either solid patterns or the same pre-programmed cycles that I know by heart now. By not being able to save my patterns, the toy forces me to be innovative and to actually explore what it is that my clitoris enjoys. If it did allow me to save patterns, I would probably never change them, which would, in turn, bring me back to the mediocrity that the Limon saves me from.

When I do orgasm with this toy, the orgasms are unique – they’re never quite the same, as the build up always varies so much. Thankfully, the vibrations remain strong regardless of how hard I press it into my clitoris, so I can really appreciate the deep rumbles that it has. Sure, the lower speeds are rumblier than the higher ones, but both are very high quality by the standards of the other toys that I own.

Sadly, it’s not all perfection with the Limon. I hate how much the vibrations travel into the hand while using it. They start to numb my hand during using, something which isn’t particularly aided by the constant need to squeeze the Limon harder. I’m fairly young and don’t have carpal tunnel syndrome or anything of the sort yet, but, after a while, my wrist starts to hurt a little. After an even longer while, the “a little” becomes “a lot”. Needless to say, this is annoying.

Limon being used between my thighsThankfully, I have found a solution for this problem; at least, if you masturbate while sitting or lying around with your legs up. Nowadays, whenever I use my Limon, I do so hands-free. Instead of holding it in my hand, I position it between my thighs with the tip pressing against my clitoris and the button facing up. Crossing my legs below my knees helps keep it in place. This way, I can control the toy with my thighs rather than with my wrist. Granted, this method isn’t perfect, but I find myself using the Limon with my thighs more often than with my hands. The vibrations still travel through much of the toy, but they annoy me less on my upper thighs than they do on my hand; instead of a numbing sensation, my body just acts like I’m using some kind of wand or massager. It is quite a bit harder to control the Limon in this way, but, with practice, I’ve learned exactly how to position and squeeze to get what I want. Alternatively, you can lock in a pattern that you like and simply use your thighs to hold it in place.

The thing is – I hate that I have to work around this toy. I understand that vibrations traveling through the hand are inevitable in a toy shaped like a lemon, but really, I feel like enough research should have gone into the toy to realize that it might be annoying after a while. When I linked one of my friends to the Limon shortly after getting it, she asked why it is shaped like a lemon, and, well, the truth is that I don’t know6. It’s ergonomic, yes, but maybe a more traditional C-ish shape (like the LELO Siri and/or Nea) would be more effective at actually concentrating the vibrations in the tip rather than the hand. I don’t even find this design very discreet – sure, it’s innocently shaped, but a bright, silicone lemon is practically guaranteed to attract attention and I can’t think of a good explanation for having a vibrating silicone lemon lying around. Due to the thickness, it also doesn’t fit into small storage options where other toys might be stashed7.

Limon in the small box I keep by my bed

Final Verdict

I feel almost bad for having been critical of the Limon during my review. Sure, it has its faults, but no toy is perfect. At $120, though, it has a hefty price tag, but, for this price, you get something that no other company can really offer.

The truth is, I really do like my Limon. It’s an overall great toy and I have actual fun coming up with vibration patterns to use it with8. It is appealing to look at, comes in great colors, has incredible vibrations, and is actually innovative (at least, you won’t find controls like these in anything but its sibling, the Ola). In fact, I would actually recommend it to people that do and do not enjoy patterned vibrations alike, as the main issue that people have with patterns is often that the patterns are not quite what their individual bodies want.

Minna seems to market the Limon as a couples vibrator, but it’s fairly awkward to position and use during sex. However, for foreplay, it can be a fun toy to have in a couple’s arsenal, assuming that both partners are interested in the “exploration” aspect of it.

As for my Limon, it will continue to live in my desk, where it will serve its function as “that vibrator I reach for if I don’t want a quickie Eroscillator-orgasm and also don’t feel like getting up to bring something else out”. A long title, I know, but one that serves it well.

I obtained the Minna Limon by my own means.
  1. Don’t ask how many attempts that photograph took; round sex toys and thin branches don’t mix. []
  2. I’m looking at you, We-Vibe []
  3. Whether you want one or not []
  4. The standard “background noise” will fix the latter. []
  5. I admit, normally I’m in it for messing around with the patterns []
  6. The Google Overlord had no answer, either []
  7. In my case, a decorative blue box on my nightstand where I keep some of my favorite clitoral toys. []
  8. So far, my favorites are Jingle Bells and the Big Bang Theory theme. []

Hello World, Full of Cruel Dildo Gods

A brief glance of the toybox

Hello, World1. I am N. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Let’s be friends, the type of friends that share secrets with one another. I’ll start. I like sex toys.

Not only do I enjoy using them, but I find myself wanting to talk about them. Loudly. With opinion. Often. World1, I want to chronicle my use of them. Specifically, I want to discuss them, review them, rant and rave about them, and so forth. I have thoughts that I want to share about these topics, and a haven to share these thoughts in. This brings us here, to where you and I are sitting.

Welcome to my blog, Sincerely yours, N. This will be my own little corner of the Internet2, where I will discuss whatever I feel about the crazy world of intimacy, sex toys, and so many more related topics. What will this turn into? Who knows. I don’t really care, either. All I know is that I bought this hosting a while ago and have finally decided that this is what I want. I know that the life of a sex toy reviewer is not a glorious one, and I’m okay with that. I’m not in it for the money, but, rather, to express my views.

Don’t expect erotica or nudes; I’m not into those. Do, however, expect honest reviews of sex toys, quality information about materials and safety, and plenty of tribute to the cruel Dildo Gods.

Oh, Dildo Gods? You don’t believe in those? Well, as @RynJ21 and I discussed on one fateful Friday morning, they not only exist, but are cruel. I’ve included our conversation below3. I’m not quite sure if this is how “Hello, World” posts are supposed to go, but this is how mine went. I hope you enjoy.

Regardless, I am looking forward to this journey. It’ll be fun. I hope that you guys enjoy my blog and the content that I bring!

Sincerely yours,

N

Continue reading

  1. Internet [] []
  2. World []
  3. I got her permission to do this, of course. []